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| Construction/Destruction Art by Sylvia Kay |
Construction/Destruction...
Change is about both construction and destruction... They happen together in different measures; two sides of a single "coin"... However, in my experience, it can be VERY difficult if not impossible to achieve a "whole" vision that sees the entire "coin"...
Usually, as humans, I think we find construction easier to tolerate than destruction. Destruction can be particularly difficult to be with when what is being destroyed is something that feels critically necessary. I'm now 70 and I feel this destruction up front, close, in my own body. Thankfully it's still just with small things... but it's there and I feel it! I also feel it in the building I live in, which has been neglected for several years and this summer I felt it STRONGLY in the garden I've constructed around it. This is the same difficulty faced with war, environmental change, pollution concerns, illness and a host of other similar issues that we instinctively want to fix or avoid. Often it is difficult to see ANY signs of the underlying construction. In fact, frequently this other layer is almost impossible to see. If what is being created is something new, something we don't know, something with which we have NO experience, how can be possibly see it??? We don't even know what to look for... ALL we can see is the destruction and in me what surfaces in this case is FEAR!!! I'm afraid of the consequences, I'm afraid there won't be a path through or I won't be able to find it. I'm afraid I won't be able to stay with my journey and feel ALL of how it feels. I'm afraid of what will happen to me as well as to those I've nurtured and care about! How is one to deal with this kind of FEAR???
I've tried to just stay with this FEAR... feeling ALL of how it feels... emotionally, physically and mentally... I've tried to name ALL of its TINY nuances... At least then, I can begin to understand it and its place in my body as well as in my psyche... I've also worked connecting the threads which tie it to past experiences. Usually, I find, I'm most afraid of something difficult or unpleasant that I've already experienced... Re-feeling these past experiences, so I understand how they are being pulled in HELPS! In the process of re-feeling this old material I often see that I can now understand them better. Re-working this past material allows me to begin to see at least a SMALL piece of the largely invisible construction that I know is also happening... At the same time, I look for experiences I've had where I faced a piece of the fear I've named and see there WAS a path through and I WAS able to find it!!! Seeing this, I can begin to trust LIFE and ITS process a little bit more. Having done these last two exercises, I notice, my vision becomes just a TINY bit more WHOLE and the FEAR a little less...
Perhaps we REALLY dance LIFE's dance in the dark of our own confusion, waiting for THE dance to show us how to BE more whole and to "SEE" more completely???
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