Art combined with
a few
simple poems
shared
for
fast viewing
on the web...
Snippets
giving
a small sense
of how I work
with beads and
paints...
art and poetry...
and their connection
to my inner
meditative work...
a few
meditative work...
About My Art
A few pieces of art on my web-site have been created to illustrate a concept, in which case the idea has come first and the art has followed. This is however, not the way I usually create art... Usually, the art comes first and the concept or understanding dawns later... Most of my art has been created following my inner guides, without a plan of my own; one bead or brush stroke at a time with no idea of what the final result might be... Sometimes my inner guides give me larger elements to work with, and on very rare occasions a fairly complete vision of the artwork I'm to create, but usually I'm fed drop by drop without any sense of what I'm doing or why. As a result, I usually spend a great deal of time, often years, discovering its underlying messages and meanings... However, regardless of the specifics of the creative process, my art unfolds in meditative consciousness... The information I'm given changes depending on what I have to work with, what I'm able to do, how the piece is to be used and what I need to see or understand, but I'm always focused inside, listening to the inner voice that guides and doing my best to follow... and the results are often surprising and always informative. My art speaks to me from the moment I first consider creating it, right through the creative process and beyond. I hang it on my walls or wear it, so I can be with it and notice things about it and it keeps talking to me for years and years and years...
FLIES
 |
| A Buzzing Fly's View |
Buzzing incessantly...
Busy understanding...
Windows, like so many things,
Are NOT quite as they seem...
The picture above is how I imagine the art at the top of this page might look to a buzzing fly... busily engaged in this kind of process...
WIND CHIMES
Melodious chimes
Fairy music
 |
| Wind Chimes & Golden Ball joined with beading by Sylvia Kay |
From out
Confusion's knotted golden ball
Diligently
Carefully
Strand by strand
Unraveling must
To yield
Understanding's
Pure delicate
Sparkling jewels
Beaded droplets
Falling
One by one
Sun glittered
Onto dancing dolphins
Playing gentle
Ringing in the breeze...
Each time I pick up my paint brush... I don't know... What will happen? How will it look or feel? Where will my brush take me now? Even... can I still paint something... ANYTHING or am I only able to make meaningless messes? I'm out of control... The colors spill out wildly, guided I hope by some unseen hand to somewhere... maybe I'll be able to see something I couldn't before... Something meaningful that will help.. I don't know... My brush takes me where I've never been... I don't know... and I'm still afraid of the unexpected and unknown... the places I've never been... I don't know...
DISSOLVING HEAD
 |
| Detail from one of Sylvia Kay's artworks |
With each uncertain
Unknown brush stroke
Placed
Without understanding
Not knowing why
Mind's knowing
Dissolves
Melting
Dissipating
Molecule by molecule
Disappearing
Into the murky
Waters of infinity...
"All there is to thinking is seeing something noticeable which makes you see something you weren't noticing which makes you see something that isn't even visible." * Following this kind of path from the visible to the invisible IS poetry for me... I wonder too if the invisible isn't more truly real than the visible... I just don't know if it's possible to get passed my limited perceptions - the things my senses tell me to glimpse anything else, but I keep trying... Although my small poems are certainly not of this class, I feel the best poetry peeks behind the words, allowing us to dimly, faintly glimpse a little of something else... the universes hiding inside and perhaps a deeper reality... For me, art too, is a potential gateway into these other realms...
* Quoted from "A River Runs Through It" by Norman Maclean
THE CREATION...
 |
| Objects Joined With Beading by Sylvia Kay |
No plan
No idea
Just this bead
Or brush stroke now
And where
It must be placed
Creation unfolding
Moment by moment
Bead by bead
Dab by dab
Color by color
Until magically
Whatever it is
Be finished
For now...
Beautiful?
Ugly?
'Tis impossible to tell
A unique new thing's
Been born
A being undreamed before...
Only if I listen
Its messages to hear
Can understanding dawn
WORDS VS IMAGES & How I Use Both For My Inner Work:
Words are small and confined by narrow boundaries of meaning. They only gain depth when juxtaposed strangely in poetry... Images on the other hand, ARE broad; open to MANY interpretations and perspectives. They don't reveal all they have to say immediately, but speak volumes drop by drop... each drop providing a perfect, tailor made, wordless access to how one thinks and feels... Although working to understand a poem can give a similar access to one's inner landscape, it is VERY difficult to get passed the words which are still confined by their narrow boundaries. Words also have a tendency to keep one "up in one's head", which can prove problematic. Also, we can think we understand in a larger sense because we understand the meanings of the words... and stop looking farther, missing a wealth of inner material... Understanding images, on the contrary, involves the WHOLE self... also since this is usually a slower, longer process I find the path goes deeper... From my perspective, it is therefore critical to develop a skill in working with images as they inherently provide such a wonderful and easily accessible pathway for exploring one's inner landscape...
To LIVE I have to FEEL! Feelings are a critical part of life's experience and if they aren't felt, they can't be explored or understood. They aren't simple and can't be crammed into any obvious or logical framework. They come in many colors and flavors, all of which contain messages to be understood. They demand to be felt as keenly and deeply as possible to reveal their many layers for understanding... I feel, any means at our disposal to open ourselves to our feelings, so we can begin to explore and understand them is a critical part of understanding ourselves.
All feelings have important messages to impart, so limiting our feelings to just the easy, pleasant, "happy" or "positive" ones is akin to using only one shade of one color to paint EVERY picture regardless of the subject matter... Without the different hues and shades to provide contrast and detail, it's just NOT adequate!
Crying too, isn't always a symptom of distress. Often for me, it is just a heart full to overflowing with feelings... all kinds and flavors of feelings, ready and waiting for me to pay attention to them and understand them...
Throughout my journey, I've also found it critical not to react to my feelings in the usual way by going toward the ones that have felt pleasant, comfortable or appealing or avoiding those that seem to go where it is uncomfortable or even dangerous. Instead I've just stayed, almost motionless, sitting quietly with my feelings, whatever they were, without grasping or avoiding; just feeling as deeply as I could and working to understand what parts of me were being touched and how and why... I've sat still, just feeling and working to understand until later, often it has been MUCH later, waiting for a "right" direction, which my inner guides were clearly supporting, to clarify so I could move and do something... However, frequently what I'm asked to do only increases the emotional load I'm carrying and so, after moving, I just resume sitting and working to understand... again... Often I've been left sitting, holding BIG emotions against a pressing need, for what has seemed like an impossibly long time before some kind of "relief" has arrived! Since there are no real "measuring sticks" for this exercise, a clear sense of having done what was really wanted is often lacking. It is never easy! However, I feel clearly "better" each time, for having stretched my capacity to hold and work with feelings in this way... so this sense sustains me..
Although sharing what I have faced and felt after "relief" has arrived and the inner work has been done and a new situation has evolved can be a helpful re-visiting and increase my understanding of a past event, I've found it to be VERY important not to share what I'm currently feeling or facing and working through in talk to others... Talk, at this time, eases the tension for sure, but does very little for me inside! Talking when the situation is current and emotionally charged usually seems to only diffuse the energy; spreading it around for others to feel and hold... Although this kind of talk can still be required by my inner guides, for other reasons, inside me, at its best, it only very slightly increases my understanding, but NOT more! At its worst, with the decrease in tension, it can feel like I've really done something, so I stop long before I should and necessary inner work fails to be done... For these reasons, I've usually worked HARD to hold ALL the energy myself (no matter how explosive it has felt) working with it to construct necessary bridges and foundations inside me between my inner guides and my parts and faces... as well as allowing any old, outgrown patterns that were getting in the way to be destroyed. Both the construction and the destruction have taken A LOT of energy... If I spill it in unnecessary talk, I've felt I wouldn't have enough to do the required inner work. However, holding energy is definitely NOT easy; frequently feeling VERY explosive and frightening! The destruction is also often difficult because of attachments I've had to old ways... Nonetheless, ultimately the destruction of pieces in the way along with the construction of new necessary pieces inside me, is what makes the difficult exercise, I've described in the paragraph above, feel so "good" and sustains me in its practice!
In the beginning, I used both art and writing as well as various kinds of bodywork as gateways into an exploration of my feelings and their messages... Now, although I continue to make use of all my body feels as well as what surfaces with art and writing, I also make extensive use of everything LIFE presents. LIFE, I've found is full to overflowing with details... all of which can be sensed and felt... I use both art and writing as tools to access my multi-layered feelings about these bits of LIFE. I've found that both art and writing, each in their own way, increase my ability to discern the specific flavors of my feelings as well as increase my understanding of me and my life by revealing the hidden messages for me which underlie all the feelings I have...
There is SO MUCH to feel... and then... to understand... Although I've spent more than 30 years of diligent, careful work; feeling and then working to understand the messages underlying my feelings, I know I've only barely begun! I do have a clear sense that there is a uniquely, personal language of feelings with their attached personal associations which lies beyond words... I also know it isn't simple! So often what is really good for soul, doesn't either look or feel very pleasant or comfortable and conversely what isn't good for him/her frequently wears a false mantle of "goodness" just because it is pleasant, comfortable or familiar... I'm certain there is a personal language of feelings and I suspect art and images are vehicles I can use to penetrate it, so I'm drawn here... to this exploration... For now, this feels like the "right" place for me to BE...
In addition to what I've said here, there is also a post on my "Steps in a Changing Life..." blog: "A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words" which provides another excerpt from "An Inner Journey" and is very relevant to what I've just said. To see this post click: A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words... Art is STORY… many stories...
To LIVE I have to FEEL! Feelings are a critical part of life's experience and if they aren't felt, they can't be explored or understood. They aren't simple and can't be crammed into any obvious or logical framework. They come in many colors and flavors, all of which contain messages to be understood. They demand to be felt as keenly and deeply as possible to reveal their many layers for understanding... I feel, any means at our disposal to open ourselves to our feelings, so we can begin to explore and understand them is a critical part of understanding ourselves.
All feelings have important messages to impart, so limiting our feelings to just the easy, pleasant, "happy" or "positive" ones is akin to using only one shade of one color to paint EVERY picture regardless of the subject matter... Without the different hues and shades to provide contrast and detail, it's just NOT adequate!
Crying too, isn't always a symptom of distress. Often for me, it is just a heart full to overflowing with feelings... all kinds and flavors of feelings, ready and waiting for me to pay attention to them and understand them...
Throughout my journey, I've also found it critical not to react to my feelings in the usual way by going toward the ones that have felt pleasant, comfortable or appealing or avoiding those that seem to go where it is uncomfortable or even dangerous. Instead I've just stayed, almost motionless, sitting quietly with my feelings, whatever they were, without grasping or avoiding; just feeling as deeply as I could and working to understand what parts of me were being touched and how and why... I've sat still, just feeling and working to understand until later, often it has been MUCH later, waiting for a "right" direction, which my inner guides were clearly supporting, to clarify so I could move and do something... However, frequently what I'm asked to do only increases the emotional load I'm carrying and so, after moving, I just resume sitting and working to understand... again... Often I've been left sitting, holding BIG emotions against a pressing need, for what has seemed like an impossibly long time before some kind of "relief" has arrived! Since there are no real "measuring sticks" for this exercise, a clear sense of having done what was really wanted is often lacking. It is never easy! However, I feel clearly "better" each time, for having stretched my capacity to hold and work with feelings in this way... so this sense sustains me..
Although sharing what I have faced and felt after "relief" has arrived and the inner work has been done and a new situation has evolved can be a helpful re-visiting and increase my understanding of a past event, I've found it to be VERY important not to share what I'm currently feeling or facing and working through in talk to others... Talk, at this time, eases the tension for sure, but does very little for me inside! Talking when the situation is current and emotionally charged usually seems to only diffuse the energy; spreading it around for others to feel and hold... Although this kind of talk can still be required by my inner guides, for other reasons, inside me, at its best, it only very slightly increases my understanding, but NOT more! At its worst, with the decrease in tension, it can feel like I've really done something, so I stop long before I should and necessary inner work fails to be done... For these reasons, I've usually worked HARD to hold ALL the energy myself (no matter how explosive it has felt) working with it to construct necessary bridges and foundations inside me between my inner guides and my parts and faces... as well as allowing any old, outgrown patterns that were getting in the way to be destroyed. Both the construction and the destruction have taken A LOT of energy... If I spill it in unnecessary talk, I've felt I wouldn't have enough to do the required inner work. However, holding energy is definitely NOT easy; frequently feeling VERY explosive and frightening! The destruction is also often difficult because of attachments I've had to old ways... Nonetheless, ultimately the destruction of pieces in the way along with the construction of new necessary pieces inside me, is what makes the difficult exercise, I've described in the paragraph above, feel so "good" and sustains me in its practice!
In the beginning, I used both art and writing as well as various kinds of bodywork as gateways into an exploration of my feelings and their messages... Now, although I continue to make use of all my body feels as well as what surfaces with art and writing, I also make extensive use of everything LIFE presents. LIFE, I've found is full to overflowing with details... all of which can be sensed and felt... I use both art and writing as tools to access my multi-layered feelings about these bits of LIFE. I've found that both art and writing, each in their own way, increase my ability to discern the specific flavors of my feelings as well as increase my understanding of me and my life by revealing the hidden messages for me which underlie all the feelings I have...
There is SO MUCH to feel... and then... to understand... Although I've spent more than 30 years of diligent, careful work; feeling and then working to understand the messages underlying my feelings, I know I've only barely begun! I do have a clear sense that there is a uniquely, personal language of feelings with their attached personal associations which lies beyond words... I also know it isn't simple! So often what is really good for soul, doesn't either look or feel very pleasant or comfortable and conversely what isn't good for him/her frequently wears a false mantle of "goodness" just because it is pleasant, comfortable or familiar... I'm certain there is a personal language of feelings and I suspect art and images are vehicles I can use to penetrate it, so I'm drawn here... to this exploration... For now, this feels like the "right" place for me to BE...
In addition to what I've said here, there is also a post on my "Steps in a Changing Life..." blog: "A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words" which provides another excerpt from "An Inner Journey" and is very relevant to what I've just said. To see this post click: A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words... Art is STORY… many stories...
BEADED EARRINGS...
Each one a
Glittering moment
 |
| beading by Sylvia Kay |
One by one
Spilling
Sparkling droplets
Jewels
To dangle
Dripping
From my ears
I do my best
But know 'tis full of holes
The paints fade
The jewels are plastic
The thread breaks
What seemed so beautiful
Scattered, shattered, dull and faded
My heart it seems lies trampled in the mud
But each painful breaking
In me illusion shatters
Growing space reveals
I pick up my heart and see the flaw
My best can be improved...
Self-creation never ends...
“Life is expression.”...
I’ve heard it said that, “Life is expression.”... Hmmm... Maybe.... I’ve been thinking about this for quite awhile now... Although there does seem to be some validity to this statement, I think, that what is expressed, where, to whom, how it is expressed, to what purpose and the underlying intentions or motivations prompting it, are even more important... Perhaps it would be more valid to assert that, “Art is expression”... However, the underlying motivations of the artist, materials, colors, methods chosen etc. would seem to be just as important and critical and be part of what is expressed... For me, the physical artwork isn’t so important, rather it’s how I feel about it, what it says, reflects or shows me, which I use in the larger process of creating myself that is REALLY important! It’s the use I make of it... the process... rather than the artwork produced (the “object” or “thing”) that matters most to me! It’s the opportunity that the expression affords to understand myself better that matters!
I’ve also heard that the average art viewer usually doesn’t spend longer than 8 seconds viewing any one artwork... In such a short length of time, I don’t think anyone can grasp much more than “I like it” or “ I don’t”... It’s pleasing or interesting to me or it isn’t... However, if one fails to look any deeper than this, the art has been reduced to a mere “object” or “thing” and any “messages or meaning” it might be expressing will have been completely overlooked and missed... Impossible to even begin understanding why it is likeable or interesting or not... In eight seconds or less, there isn’t time to notice any of the many thoughts or sensations sparked by a piece of art or anything else for that matter, much less address any of the inner questions and “why’s” that might surface in response... Furthermore, art that deserves an extended viewing isn’t always likeable... For instance, during his life-time Vincent Van Gogh’s work was generally disliked... What a travesty to have dismissed it as unimportant or simply ugly! So often, it is the things which jostle our preconceived ideas, our “should’s” and “should not’s” that are the most beneficial and valuable, because we can grow and increase our understandings of ourselves with them!
 |
| Hummingbird & Flower - Art by Sylvia Kay |
The Stories We Tell Ourselves...
For me, it isn’t enough to stop with just expression. I want to dig deeper, and understand what is behind my expression, how it functions and how to work with it... Personally, I’m most interested in the effects of my own expressions inside me and how they function there... Here, inside, I find the day dreams and stories we tell ourselves to be critically important!!! Day dreams are, I think, similar to doing physical exercises in my imagination... which make a tangible, real bond between body and mind... I think day dreams make a similar bond between mind and soul... so they do something VERY important... In my experience, they have worked much like affirmations, setting ideas and wished for directions VERY solidly in place; especially if they are repeated frequently. In fact, I think affirmations work so well at helping us change direction, precisely because they are the beginnings or first steps to telling a new, different story... The stories are seldom simple either. Mine have ALWAYS contained A LOT of material which has begged to be understood! The stories are validated every time they seem to hold true about some experience we have. This validation and repetition locks them VERY solidly in place. However, experiences are MUCH more complex than they seem, so any story we can tell about any of them is at best, too simple to be much more than a partial truth... and at their worst little more than a fabrication locking us solidly in some kind of illusion... Again, I’m prompted to reaffirm Hugh Milne’s often repeated quotation: "The simple truth is nothing but a lie...". Our stories too, regardless of whether they are "positive" or "negative" seem frequently to be "nothing but a lie"... We have to do the work of sifting and sorting through them to separate the “true for us now” pieces from the pieces that have just looked or felt true at some other point in time, or that we have wished were true, but have failed to continue to be as true as we thought or wished... Furthermore, our stories are usually strongly supported by deeply embedded beliefs or motivations that can be VERY difficult to see, much less understand so working here pushes me back into attempting to see and scramble out of still MORE idea "boxes"... a process I talk about in detail on “My Work” page...
In my experience it takes courage to really look at our stories and examine them in detail... and even more courage to admit that they might not be as true as we thought or would like them to be and even more to see how their threads tie into what often seems to be essential – the foundational fabric of our lives... our self-image(s)... and locked in place patterns and habits... Change is TOUGH medicine, and often we have to be pushed HARD against a solid brick wall before we’re willing to tackle it, especially when it’s required inside ourselves... However, I don’t know of any other path to growth... From my experience, growth demands a constant moment by moment refining, adapting, re-working re-balancing and adjustment of our selves which includes our limited understandings and perspectives concerning our very complex experiences, our use of our bodies and ways of being in the world.. all of which call our “comfort” levels into question on an ongoing basis... For me, this process has seldom been easy, but it has nonetheless ALWAYS been VERY beneficial!
Night dreams are equally important, but in a slightly different way. Learning to understand the images presented in these dreams can really aid the process of developing a library of personal symbols and metaphors which can then be applied to the events of waking life as well as to dreams (both day and night).... Night dreams can also reveal much about our hopes and fears, since they draw not only from conscious but also from sub-conscious material... Working with their content thus helps me to see what would otherwise be completely invisible...
If what you see here is of interest... you can see more of my current art on my "Steps in a Changing Life..." blog. There's a link to this blog on the top at the right under "Links to my Blogs & Readers' Forum..." and also at the bottom of "My Work" page...
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