What is "GOOD" Posture....really???
For a long time I've thought I needed to stand, walk and sit straight most of the time... I recognized that I needed to relax somehow while doing this, so I used an instruction from a qigong exercise, where you hang like a suit of clothes from the top/center of your head... When I just "hung", I was looser... BUT... although the tension was reduced, I began to feel that I was somehow feeding a deep underlying tension in my body... What was it??? What was I to do??? The tension, I saw, was also reduced with my daily dose of 20 minutes of "wild"and "loose" running/dance moves but I couldn't do this more than 2 or 3 times a day and how was I to cope with this tension while doing tasks that seemed to require standing, sitting or walking during the rest of my day???
 |
| Still... Motion Photo of plants in the garden |
Recently, several things have come together, supplying answers to my questions... As a result I've re-worked and re-thought much of how I used to work with my body... Below is the trail I followed. It wasn't consciously laid out... I had no idea I would find answers to my questions... but they were hiding there, waiting for me to discover them... Perhaps the winding, twisting trail I followed is useful or at least interesting for you too...
The first thing I did was to enroll in a couple of online acupressure courses taught by Michael Reed Gach (acupressure.com). I'd wanted to do this in person 25 years ago, but studied the Cranio-sacral Therapy instead. I've already told you how that training revolutionized my life... Anyway, now, I felt an urgent need to connect more deeply to my body and it felt like acupressure would help and so far it has... I also discover that just like with my bones, there is a meditative way in that seems to touch the points gently with exceptional accuracy. From here, a dialogue can begin...
Michael, stresses DEEP breathing in his courses... I'd already re-trained myself to breathe from my belly about 30 years ago, but working with him on the acupressure points, I noticed my breath wasn't always full. Frequently my chest wouldn't be included... just my belly. I thought this needed to be revised...
I bought 3 books of breathing exercises. One of which was: Breath WORK - 30 Breathing Exercises by Gene Smithson....This book is written from a martial arts perspective and it didn't gel with me. Martial arts feel BIG and aggressive. Since I have trouble just doing a front or back roll on a bare floor, it also felt far too acrobatic for me, but his book was interesting and he highly recommended studying with one of his teachers - Vladimir Vasiliev. I was SURE this wasn't going to be for me, but I decided to check out what his teacher had to offer on the Internet... NO it was NOT for me... However, as I sat watching the demonstrations, I began to remember something else... something that DID interest me, also 25 years ago... something that was vaguely similar, but MUCH more appealing... I was remembering my introduction to Contact Improvisation Dance... I'd taken a few classes and gone to few jams. I'd LOVED it, even though I could only handle the dance in very small doses... For me, the twisting and turning along with the frequent lack of ground under my feet was quite disorienting . I knew this was a sign that I was opening up to new movements and understandings and that this was VERY good for me, but I couldn't do it for long sessions. It only took a short time before I would be overcome by nausea and have to stop to recover some equilibrium... Although I'd REALLY wanted to continue in spite of this, I gave it up entirely when my life started to go crazy with its own twists and turns, which landed me in spaces where everything felt like it was being churned and turned inside out and upside down on a regular basis... Then, I'd had all the goodness of disorientation I could handle. I couldn't intentionally pursue more... but now??? Maybe now I could continue... I needed to investigate this further...
I bought a couple more books. The first to arrive was: CONTACT IMPROVISATION An Introduction to a Vitalizing Dance by Cheryl Pallant. This was when the light bulbs in me really started to flash! She starts her book by telling the story of how at the age of 13, she was diagnosed with scoliosis of the spine and advised by doctors to refrain from ALL sports or other physical activity except for regular physio/therapy sessions and to ALWAYS stand, sit and walk "straight and tall". She dutifully followed this advice, but her body was also ALWAYS stiff and sore. She was told to expect this for the rest of her life... Then, in college, something propelled her outside of this mold and she enrolled in a dance class... She ended up embracing, practicing and teaching Contact Improvisation Dance (which is usually a very energetic, even acrobatic dance) and miraculously... the pain receded... You can listen to this story in her own words here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=05y5CHjk-Ic
For me, I suddenly realized I'd been doing exactly what her doctors had prescribed and my body too was objecting!
The next book to arrive was: Dancing Deeper Still, The Practice of Contact Improvisation by Martin Keogh. Reading this book reminded me that LIFE is ALREADY an improvisational dance. Anything can happen in this dance and each contact opens unexpected and unexplored realms of feeling... Our bodies and therefore also our souls dance with every breath, every person or thing we contact; the air and the earth and, and, and... our own feelings, thoughts, beliefs and experiences and, and, and... together they weave a uniquely individual tapestry never dreamed of before... and I KNEW I hadn't dropped this dance like I'd thought. I'd unknowingly been practicing it differently for all of the intervening 25 years. I also know, I'm delighted to now expand my practice and continue with something that looks more like the dance I was introduced to so long ago...
As I tried some tentative practices incorporating more of the usual Contact Improvisation Dance moves, such as rolling around on the floor... I also came up against the same, familiar nausea I'd felt before.. This told me I could stretch my awareness and ability to feel subtle sensations all my myself ALONE! It wasn't necessary to do anything that looked like a dance, nor did I need to invite more dancers to participate... not for awhile at least. However, I could and would be bringing more body awareness into my dance practice, as well as more moves typical of this particular dance.
Back to Michael's Acupressure Courses... He was demonstrating some Qigong breathing/stretching exercises. My WHOLE body tensed... just like it always did when I'd tried to do yoga... WHY??? This has puzzled me for a VERY long time... Yoga in particular, always "looked" like it would be VERY good for me, BUT it NEVER felt AT ALL good... WHY??? However, now, as I tried these qigong breathing exercises, I suddenly recalled, way back in Grade 1 (more than 60 years ago), a teacher telling us to, "Stretch... Stretch high, higher and higher yet... right up to the stars... Stand on tip-toe and STRETCH!!!" Remembering this, I also saw my child self internalizing this exercise as an understanding of what was required for "stretching". Stretching like this pushed me WAY passed ANY "feel good" point, so my body would TENSE in anticipation. She did NOT like this stretching game!!! Exploring further, I realized, I'd been able to do things that were in fact stretches... small ones... such as the unwinding I'd learned how to do when I studied the Cranio-sacral Therapy. It wasn't called "stretching" and the stretches are very tiny, so it was not only possible for me to do, but ENJOYABLE! Having this information, I could now correct my understanding of stretching to mean JUST elongating a muscle or muscles and the elongation could be VERY tiny. It didn't have to be HUGE like I'd thought. Also, now that I understood the roots of my difficulty (in my Grade 1 class), the similar things I have been able to do (like the unwinding), where to focus my attention (on the elongation of some muscle or muscles) and how SMALL I have to keep this elongation initially, I'm FINALLY able to begin to work at correcting this OLD movement pattern. However, this also reminded me of how DEEP small, seemingly inconsequential "teachings" can go and how they can unconsciously determine my shape and/or abilities...
I then thought about other "teachings" which might be having a similar effect... and I remembered how I was taught to eat as a child. I had to tuck my arms in tight to my body... I was ONLY to bend my elbow and wrist and maybe a finger or two and use my jaw to chew or talk, but NOTHING else. I could turn my head toward a neighbour to talk, but I wasn't to touch AT ALL! What a pile of messages lie here! How was it that a touch from my arm could be SO harmful or distasteful to this often imaginary neighbour sitting beside me??? Did I really need to squeeze myself down SMALL whenever I came close to someone else? How could it possibly be a "good" thing to imprison my body in a "straight jacket" that permitted SO little movement EVERY time I sat down to eat??? I could feel MY body did NOT like the "straight jacket" and she wanted OUT!!! I thought, not for the first time, that bodies are NOT machines!!! This caused me to re-examine many of my previously "efficient" and therefore rigid and "machine-like" ways of moving...
Following this trail has yielded many insights... I now realize the "good" posture place is meant to be just a temporary resting place, not more. For the most part I need to keep my body in motion... I go back again to Martin's book... He uses wonderful images... like the spinal discs as a string of pearls, with melting pads of butter or slimy oysters in between, which allow the pearls to move smoothly and freely against each other... As a beginning, I thought up an image of my own... When sitting or standing, I can move my body like a frond of seaweed swaying in an ocean current (which ends up looking and feeling a little like the unwinding I'm already familiar with and like). While doing this, I can focus minutely on how my body feels... What is she touching? Where is energy moving or blocked? Which body parts are moving? Do I need to include more parts? When walking I now want to allow the rest of my body to move... NOT just my legs. I want to feel my feet, feel my muscles, feel what I touch... even if it's just air and, and, and... I want to notice the beginnings of tension... and at the same time notice what I'm doing or thinking or... Is it possible to ease this tension by doing something differently: physically, emotionally or mentally???
SOoooo...
My conclusions: In the end it seems my "good" posture position is only to be used as a temporary resting place between movements. My body needs to MOVE most of the time. The movements don't have to be big, but they have to be happening... I also need to stay with my body by stretching my awareness to encompass as many of her sensations as I possibly can... Working with the acupressure points, in the way I'm learning in the courses, seems to not only improve the flow of energy and release long standing tensions, but also bring the causes of the blockages and tensions to the surface of my awareness, so they can be dealt with too. I'm DEFINITELY wanting to continue taking these courses; exploring, learning, practicing, feeling and understanding as I go... I also want to include more traditional contact improvisation dance moves into my dance practice. However, most of all, I want to do my BEST to keep BREATHING, FEELING and MOVING while doing ALL of my everyday tasks and I'm going to BURN the "straight jacket"!!!
However, although these all look like SMALL changes, the nausea I feel now, on a regular basis, tells me they are NOT!!! I need to proceed SLOWLY and be patient and gentle with myself as I work to understand, connect and move in these new ways...The changes I'm wanting to make can happen little by little. I'm always given enough time to do what really needs to be done...and my best in each moment is also enough... whatever the results may be... and however they look or feel...
The segment of my journey, I've shared here, is only the beginning... some directions I discovered and now want to explore... I don't know where each day's small, baby step on this path will lead? The steps I've shared, clearly demonstrate how non-linear the trails can be! The consequences of change are so often not those I anticipate!!!
And the winding, twisting trail continues... somewhere...to something... yet to be explored, felt and understood...
Close this window or tab when you are finished with your meditation to open another or to continue exploring my web-site.