Burning the "Midnight Oil"...
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| Photo of Midnight Oil Daylily in my garden... |
INSOMNIA....
I often have difficulty sleeping because:
- Frequently, there's some message or understanding I NEED and am NOT getting or NOT understanding correctly... so I have some work to do. Also, I find night-time is particularly well suited to doing this kind of work... I've put my world on hold, so it's resting... There's nothing I need to do, so there are no distractions... I'm therefore free to focus inside and do what needs to be done there.
- Sometimes, there's some kind of"inner" conflict... One part wants or needs this and another wants or needs that and the two needs/wants are in opposition, which highlights some confusion I need to work through with the parts in question.
- Because I'm always working to stretch my capacity to "be with" feelings; both physical and emotional, I frequently have to adjust to a greater "aliveness" than I'm used to. This happens when I hold feelings, refusing to release them in action. Simply holding them while working to understand, has helped me both to understand my existing behavioral patterns and to learn new, hopefully better ways of being... but it does build energy! Doing something opposite to an habitual pattern or even just differently, generates energy too... Energy is also released when muscles relax. When a build up of stored energy, which has been in the way, blocking energy from flowing through my body, (felt as muscle tension or soreness) is released, the energy flows to places that haven't received any or very, very little for maybe a very LONG time! They suddenly feel "ALIVE" in a way they haven't before and I get to feel this with them... Also, this released energy has a character, qualities and messages which beg to be understood if the release is to be permanent rather than temporary. These previously "starved" places LOVE their newfound "aliveness", so they push toward an understanding of what has been released which I may be quite resistant to facing... This leads to the next point on this list...
- Sometimes, some part of my experience that I'm resistant to re-facing, but am now ready to understand better, is trying to surface and my resistance to this happening needs to be lowered, so I face whatever it is... Lack of sleep lowers my resistance.
- Often, what I need to face requires a greater sensitivity than I'm accustomed to... Lack of sleep seems to increase my sensitivity... which can be VERY beneficial generally...
- Sometimes I want to do something I enjoy or feel comfortable doing which will entail over practice of a skill or way of coping... or what I want to do just isn't a "right" move and isn't REALLY required... Often some kind of physical impediment is put in my way to prevent this over practiced or "unwanted" thing from happening... I won't be tempted to do it if I'm too tired or too sore or I'm sick... or... For instance, if I need to NOT cope with or manage. something I'm used to managing or coping with... being tired will make the coping or managing completely IMPOSSIBLE! In this way, insomnia can help direct me away from something that isn't required.. clearing a path toward learning a better way, which is more appropriate for me in this time and place...
- If I'm rested I'll usually just do the same things I'm used to doing in the same OLD ways I've done them before... when I'm NOT rested my mind doesn't function so well, so she loses some of her control. As a result, I'm more open to doing things differently... and I almost always grow when I can step outside the boundaries of my accustomed patterns and habits. This is a HUGE benefit!!!
Perhaps you can think of things you'd add... that would make this list more relevant to your experience of insomnia????
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